Letter #9

7/8/11

Whoever You May Be,

            Do you ever doubt? Do you ever think that something could be so perfect but it goes so wrong? Today I had one of those days. A day full of doubt. I’m not much of a doubter, but I do have my moments. I’m at this point in my life where I just get so frustrated sometimes. I wish someone could just tell me what I should do and what is going to happen. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. All I know is that I want to share it with someone and spread so much joy, love and laughter with the world. I know I want to travel this world and truly see its beauty inside and out. But people keep telling me that I need to think more logically and not just dream…. I’m the type of person that just goes with the flow, but if I truly want something, I will totally go after it. I’m super indecisive though, which I hope you aren’t, because I need someone to make up for my “flaws” as you might say. Haha it would be really great if you were decisive…..just sayin. But if your not…we can totally work on our little problem together haha.

I am frustrated right now because I have no idea what I want to do about school and what major to choose. I’m at the point where I could just pick some random person to tell me what to major in and I would just do it so I would have some sort of degree and please people. I know college is important and it totally helps toward a successful future, but sometimes I just don’t think it's for me. If I could do anything in this world, I would either get married and start a family (but I’m way too young for that…and I’m not ready….plus I haven’t met you yet),  I would be a missionary, travel the world and make it a better place, or I would just nanny all my life. Haha call me crazy, but it’s the truth. I’m sure I will decide on a major and be successful at it, but sometimes I doubt myself and it totally freaks me out. I think that I overthink way too much about things sometimes, and when I get to that point, that’s when I just go with the flow and trust that everything will be ok.

I have this friend that is the complete opposite of me. She has everything so planned out already, and then you have me who can’t even decide what kind of pizza to order. I have such a hard time making decisions because sometimes I just simply don’t care. I’m so content with basically anything so it really doesn’t matter to me. It’s not that I don’t have an opinion, because trust me I definitely do, it’s just that I’m pretty chill and I like to go with the flow. I can't relate to certain people that have to have everything perfect and they have to know how things should be done so far in advance. Like my friend for example….I couldn’t live like that. What's the point of living when you already have everything planned and everything has to be so perfect. Half the time those people don’t eventually get what they want in the end. Life is so much better when you aren’t stressing about things being perfect and exactly how you want them. I already know that sometimes when you really think something will go so right….it goes so wrong. Life is such a rollercoaster and there is no way you can predict or expect certain things to happen. Life is definitely full of surprises! It is good to have an idea of what you want and to go and strive for whatever your heart desires, but it isn't good to take that to a whole other level.

Life can be scary and I know that when I have these moments of doubt it's just the devil trying to bring me down. There really is no reason to doubt when you should trust and have faith that everything will be ok. Everything happens for a reason……or should I say everything happens for a meaning (I had an argument about this with someone once). Yeah some things that happen to us can be tragic or seem so horrific and make us feel unsatisfied, but most of the hardships we go through make us stronger. That's if we take those hardships and find the good in them. At the end of these days when I doubt, I always feel so stupid and just chuckle to myself. How could I spend a beautiful day doubting and thinking about the negatives when I could be praising God that He has given me this day to live and share with those that I love. It’s almost like a waste of a day. No day should ever be wasted. So whenever you are doubting and having one of those days, think about your life and all the beauty that is in it. There are so many more people in this world that have worse things to think about and our small doubts are nothing compared to theirs. Instead of doubting, turn that doubt into trust and focus on something positive. Make someone smile. Make someone laugh. Encourage someone. Just enjoy life. Life is not that long….and you only have one. So make the best of it and share your love.

I know you have such a beautiful heart. I know I don’t even know you yet, but I know that your heart is beautiful. I am waiting to be able to experience your radiant heart and your beautiful soul. I would NEVER wait for someone that wouldn’t be worth waiting for! Come on now! I’m not sure how much more I can express my love for you. I mean I’m writing you letters and I don’t even know you yet! So you gotta be pretty amazing! But I’ll be able to figure out how truly amazing you are when I finally meet you. Haha. I can’t wait to meet you and your beautiful heart and soul!

Love,

Waiting, Praying and Still Loving YOU