5/1/12
Whoever You May Be,
I hate to say this right now, but my love....for I am not ready for you yet.
I desire you more than anything, yes, but I have finally come to the realization that I am not ready for you right now in my life. I haven't even fully figured out who I am yet. I thought I knew who I was, but I have absolutely no idea. I have a pretty good idea though, but I know in my heart I totally need to know myself 100% in order for you to be in my life.
Most people don't understand what I mean by not knowing who I am. It's not like I don't know my name or the basics things about myself. It's deeper than that. I'm still figuring out who I am. Figuring out my purpose in this life. Well, I know my purpose in this life is to serve God. It's just knowing HOW I am going to serve him. It's all a part of my journey. I feel like this is so hard to explain, but I'm sure you understand completely. I know I will know when I know who I am 100%. Haha there's a tongue twister for ya. I'm not even sure if that makes any sense to anyone else on this planet, but it makes sense to me!
Anyways.....I have come to the conclusion that this is the reason why you have not come out of hiding yet....
Stay hidden my love...until you're ready as well.
Maybe you are ready and I'm just the slow one? That's probably the case. haha. I tend to be a little slower than others. :D But maybe you are not ready. And if that's the case. I will always be here waiting for you. Take you're time. Working on yourself is the most important thing you can do. I know I need to work on that more than anything right now. As much as I love thinking about you all the time, I need to concentrate on working on myself. Of course I will still be thinking of you and praying for you (because I can absolutely not help that), but I will try to reduce the obsessive thinking. Haha I sound like a creep.
I was reading through all my letters that I have written you....and if an English major or teacher was to read these...they would probably die! I'm all over the place in these letters! Forget about grammar, sentence structure and spelling! I just write and never look back.....
I write exactly how I would talk. The "....." is when I pause.....which I should probably put a comma or something else there instead....but I don't feel like it....because I don't think of putting commas in my sentences when I talk....why need to when I'm writing a letter to you! Haha oh well. I'm no English major. My poor kids better not ask me for help in English...or Math....or Science...haha heck anything school related. They will fail. They might not be book smart...but they will for sure be street smart. They will get that from my side of course. Haha. Maybe if your book smart you can make up for my lack of book smartness. haha ok I'm gonna stop talking now.
I love you.
Love,
Waiting, Praying and Still Loving You
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