9/12/11
Whoever You May Be,
Just so you know, I am still madly in love with you. I wish you could feel,
at this very moment, the love that I have for you. I pray that every day you
feel my love. As of right now, I really wish you were with me right now.
I recently moved with my family to Tennessee and it has been a very
interesting experience. I feel like I have moved to a completely different country!
Since I have been here I have felt so alone. I haven’t made any friends yet,
probably because I don’t have a job and I take online classes for school…haha. I
seriously need to get out and make some friends! Anyways, I have had a lot of
time to think about life, but I feel like I am in a fog. I feel like my life is
on pause right now and someone needs to press play! (Maybe you could help me
out haha) I’m in a funk and I hate it. But everything happens for a reason…right?
So the other day I was watching a romantic comedy…totally out of character
for me…NOT! When I am bored or in a bad mood I find that watching a movie
usually makes me feel a lot better, especially a romantic comedy. I watched, “The
Backup Plan” with Jennifer Lopez. It really wasn’t a GREAT movie, but it was
romantic, and that’s good enough for me. While watching the movie it definitely
brightened up my mood. I just love it when people fall in love and have a
happily ever after, but once I start thinking about my love story, I get
depressed. Alright, I don’t really get depressed. No need for any Zoloft. But I
do get sad and a little discouraged. I
know I’m still young (call me crazy if you want) but I totally desire your love
so bad right now. I have all my life. That’s just how I’ve always been.
As soon as the movie ended I looked up at the sky and said, “God, when will I
have my fairy tale ending?!” haha. Of course I know that every relationship isn’t
like the movies. There are hardships that come along the way blah blah blah, but
in my mind right now I’m just going to pretend that mine will be perfect,
because I can. So my happy mood instantly changed into an “oh woe is me” Taylor pity party.
The normal “Why can’t I be like J-Lo in the movie?” “Why don’t I have love
now?” “I am never going to find love..” Haha pretty sad, but then things get
worse! One of my friends from college (yes I do have friends, they just don’t
live in the same state) called me and told me that she just
went on this date with an amazing guy. WHAT THE HECK?! We talked for quite a
long time about this new guy she fancied….and it sucked. I was completely happy
for her, but I was wishing I was truly feeling as happy as she was. She hung up
and I was like, "Great. Alright God. I’m totally ready for my prince charming to
come sweep me off my feet." Haha.
Honestly five minutes after I got off the phone with my friend, my other friend
calls. She had found a guy as well! SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HECK?! Now I’m starting
to think God is playing a prank on me or something. I was certain my guy was
gonna come soon. Maybe he was going to text or call me? Maybe he is going be
standing out my window throwing pebbles to get my attention. I was waiting for
a sign. I was waiting for you to appear right then and there. But oh no, God
really has a great sense of humor. . . .
Five minutes after my second friend called….I received a call! HECK YEAH! My
prince! YOU!....oh wait….it’s the stalker from downstairs! (that’s a whole
other story I have to tell you about…I’ll give you the short version)
My family is living in an apartment right now, waiting for our house to be
built. And the lady that lives below us has a 25 year old son that lives with
her. Let's just say she wants me to be her daughter in law. She truly said that
to me. No joke. Anyways, I met her son and I ended up giving him my number (BIG
MISTAKE). I didn’t want to give him my number, but it was such an awkward
situation. I didn’t know what to do. First of all, the whole time this extremely
awkward greeting was going on I was thinking all of these things….I am not
attracted to this guy at all. He has a three year old daughter. He is 25 and he
still lives with his parents, but maybe he will be my first friend here cause I
don’t have any (I'm desperate for friends). But he is seriously creeping me out
by the way he is looking at me and how he is saying he wants to buy me a ring. This was two weeks ago and every day since then he has texted and called me
and I have never responded. I actually did respond to his text once (the day I
met him) and I explained to him that I didn’t want a relationship and that I
just wanted to be friends. But that was the only response. I was hoping he
would get the hint that I didn’t want to talk to him after I ignored his texts
and calls for two weeks, but noooooo I guess that wasn’t good enough. Anyways…back
to the story….
….it’s the stalker from downstairs calling....
I didn’t answer his call. So he decided to text me, “Hey come over.” This
text set me off! First of all I was all excited that my prince charming was
calling me and then I find out it’s the last guy I want to talk to right now.
Second of all he asked me to “come over” when I haven’t even talked to him in
like two weeks! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! What’s wrong with people?! Oh Lord, you
are quite hilarious! Now that was funny! Good joke…GREAT joke! Ha ha ha haaa. NOT.
I was extremely annoyed and so I finally responded to his text saying, “No I
will not come over. Please stop texting and calling me.” He said, “I miss you
and I just wanted to talk." Are you kidding me?! He misses me? He wants to
talk? I honestly talked to him for a whole thirty minutes the first day I met him
and that was it. How could he miss me?! Ugh, I finally knew I needed to get rid
of him so I said, “I’m sorry but I have found someone who I really like. I can’t
talk to you anymore.” I haven’t heard from him since. . . . .
What a terrible night! I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day! haha
it really wasn’t that bad. I just say things and take them to the extreme so,
excuse me, it was a lousy night…haha
Wish you would have been the one to call me. Wish I had some excitement in
my life. Wish my life wasn’t on pause. Wish you would press play. I’ll be
waiting.
Love,
Waiting, Praying, and Still Loving You
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